妈妈哦 – http://blog.yam.com/imissmama

A friend pass me the URL for this blog 妈妈哦. Hm.. A very touching and sympathic blog.. I can really understand her feelings, ‘coz I lost my mom too. Although different cause, but the pain is the same. Wanted to leave her some message, but too bad, i dont have a yam blog account.. So, I want to tell her that be tough girl, i believe urmom would like u to lead a happy life instead of continuingly thinking of her.. we should have her by ourside, in our heart, but dont just get urself sink into the sadness.. hope u get better soon..

While reading her blog, it reminds me of my mom.. Those moment.. when she found out she has the decease.. when she is pain when the heart attack happen.. when she struggling to make the decision whether to have the surgery for she afraid she will not wake up after.. when she finally decided to have the surgery.. when she in the surgery room.. when she just get out from the surgery room.. when she was pain after the surgery.. when all the pipes and machines surrounding her.. when she complain that she is a burden to us.. when she said she is troublesome.. and, my tears drop..

I dont know why, could be there are too many things happened recently, my emotion tends to very unstable, easily cry.. haha.. i remember i used to be a tough girl.. since when im so easily moved?

It also remind me that day, when I went to a ‘tukang-tilik’, and the lady said my mom wants to talk to me. U know what, i used to think my mom doesnt cares me anymore, ‘coz she went into my sister’s dream, but never to mine. That moment when the lady told me my mom was waiting the chance to talk to me, was sneak out to look for me, was always wanted to talk to me, i cant control my tears..

i miss her so so much.. how i wish i can hug and hold her again.. she left in dream, peace so-called. i was so bad that i actually blame or complain that she left without me back at her side. She was in Singapore staying with my brother, and I was working there too and taking care of her. The day she left, i was on the way back to her after few days in KL for my income tax matter. I remember i was so shock when my sister called me and said ‘mom passed away just now. where are u?’ I couldnt believe it at all.. untill i saw her with my own eyes, yet i cant believe. She was lying on her bed, sleeping nicely.. I didnt cry.. till the day she sent to crement.

It’s not easy that we have someone who loved us whole heartedly, without fears. I was so regret that I never tell her I love her. I dont know why, it’s some kind of conversative chinese thinking? Chinese aren’t teach to say love? what a joke..

Today, I dont know if my mom can read this, even yes probably dont understand, mom cant read english, hopefully there is someone who can translate for her haha..

Mom, I love U.

妈妈,我爱你。。

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